This Little Light of Mine…honoring Crystal

Today my friend died.  Cancer - it does the worst damage to one’s body and the soul is lifted to a new light. I saw my friend a couple weeks ago. I had a chance to tell her how important she was and what I admired. From the day I heard her name and the word Cancer used together, I was crushed……. I was crushed for her….for her life that was changing on the second hand. And then I thought – no – not Crystal — she could be one that can beat this awful thing. Really she could.  

I vividly remember the day, make that the minute I was on the phone and hearing the news. Crystal was in the hospital and they have diagnosed her with Lung Cancer. WHAT?! My mind reeled in horror? How could this be? What happened, what were her ’symptoms’, when did I last talk with her? Had she been sick long?? All these words spin thru my thoughts as her Mom told me the news ‘I knew you girls would want to know but you know Crystal, she didn’t think everyone needed to know……’  Of course, good old Crystal, the one who, better than most, and definitely better than me, could stuff her own hurt, hard times or sadness inside and give you the most beautiful smile, ask about you and move ahead focusing on the new. Of course she didn’t want anyone to know. As much as we all need to have others care for us, I know Crystal didn’t want attention or extra TLC because of Cancer. I understand.  Another quality of Crystal – never wanting to draw added attention to one self. 

I was right – the first time she beat it! The treatment of radiation and chemo worked! She was Cancer-free! I was right! It was her amazing determination, I was sure of it. Attitude does make a difference, I am a firm believer in this and Crystal just proved it as I knew she could.  I was elated for her – it worked! I mean SHE DID IT!

Sad thing about this cancer stuff, and she was warned, it might not be present during the scan, but most likely it will be back. WHAT? It just hides and comes back? How can that be? So sure enough within six months, it was back and this time, it was in two places….liver and breast. Back to the treatments she went.  I remained confident that she would once again prevail. In the meantime, I tried not to listen to the devastating statistics that painted a grim survival rate at the five year mark. It was minimal at best, but my optimism held out. She Could Beat This. If anyone can, she can — look — that first treatment helped -it was beatable.  There are new treatments and technologies, maybe one will be used that changes everything for her. I just held onto hope and continued to pray for my friend. I hoped over and over she could feel the power of the prayers.  I asked others to pray. Even those friends that did not know my friend, I asked. The more we band together, there is strength in numbers, when people join hands……..it had to help, right?  If I couldn’t go to treatment for her, I sure could put in a good word. 

She’s young, she loves life and she is loved in return! How can this be happening?!  I hope the cancer never took away her knowing how much people cared about her and loved her. I really hope she never lost sight of that. It’s hard to imagine going thru all the trials, tests, hours, days and minutes of treatment and not knowing there are all those out there that love you and think the world of you. I hope she always knew that.

This is a woman who came to our small office one day applying for a job and am I ever glad I had the chance to meet her, work with her and call her my friend. Today, my heart is so heavy knowing my smiling friend has moved on to a better world. My heart hurts for her family. They took great care of her and I am sure the hole they feel is much larger than their hearts and heavier than anything they have lifted.

Even though I knew Crystal’s health was declining, I held onto my hope. Hope stays – it changes as the situation changes – but it stays.  In this case, Hope that Crystal would WIN moved to Hope that she was getting all they could offer for treatment and that it would make a difference. Hope there would be one more new treatment and it would make the difference and help her win the battle. Hope that she would not be in pain was there all the time. Hope for comfort, for time in her life to still enjoy the sunshine she liked to walk in, the cabin and time up north with family and friends. Hope she could travel when she wanted to travel to see places and people she wanted to see. Hope that something would remain the same for her lifestyle before cancer, while she worked within the constant visits to the hospital and each day revolved more and more around the treatments and the disease.

She handled it well on the outside. She handled it better than I ever could. That’s my friend Crystal, the one that didn’t concentrate outwardly on the negative. She didn’t deny the negatives, she just met them head on. Among many things, I have always admired Crystal’s smile and her ability to be tough. I often wondered and even said outloud at times, does this Cancer realize just who it picked to invade? I’m not sure it did…

I could say so much more about my friend, her qualities, fight, smile and how this disease impacts the body of the one it’s in but when you lose someone like Crystal, there aren’t enough words.

I pray for her new life and all it has to offer. I’ll pray for her family, the care-givers and all those that loved her. I pray for her daughter, who will deliver a son sometime in the next week – Crystal’s first grandchild.  In my heart, I know Crystal will be in that delivery room cheering on all good things with that blessed smile of hers and the touch only a Mother can offer her child as she becomes a Mom herself. 

Blessings and God Speed my Friend! I will miss you!

Tags: friends